Dear Financially Drained,
Thank you for reaching out this week and entrusting Dear Mrs. Melissa with advice on this difficult situation. I hope the following helps give you some peace and offers you some strategies to begin breaking this cycle. First and foremost, I want to applaud you for reaching out and knowing that that cycle needs to be broken. This is extremely hard to do but just having the awareness is key.
Anxiety stems from your body telling you there is something wrong. In this case, your anxiety is telling you this cycle is not sustainable. You are feeling the responsibility of multiple adults in your life but why? My guess is loyalty. Loyalty can make you feel responsible for taking care of someone you assume cannot take care of themselves. The hard part about this is that they then can’t take care of themselves because they have become reliant on you rescuing them. I wonder if this pattern started out of guilt?
Why is breaking this cycle important? Your immediate family is your actual responsibility, and they deserve to have that attention. At some point, you have been conditioned to feel responsible for others and fear may be part of that as well – “If I don’t help, something bad will happen to them”. I promise you, you are not abandoning them with the below techniques, you are helping them.
How do we break this cycle? Changing from a rescuing mindset to a supportive mindset is the first step. What does this look like? Let’s say your sister is struggling with a place to sleep for the night. Instead of rescuing “I can give you money for a hotel room”, you would switch that mindset to, “Let me help locate some local resources with you”. You may also be able to say, “I cannot be your emergency backup anymore, but let’s work together to find you someone that can be”.
I hope that is a good starting place for you. If you would like to explore this topic more and develop strong family boundaries, please reach out for a free consultation to see if individual therapy is a good option. You are able to schedule a consultation at Anchor the Soul Counseling’s contact page:
https://anchorthesoulcounseling.clientsecure.me/request/service or email me directly at melissa@anchorthesoulcounseling.com
Sincerely,
Melissa J. Davis, MA, LPC, LCMHC
Owner, Anchor the Soul Counseling, PLLC.
Legal Disclaimer
This article is provided for general informational purposes only and is based on a hypothetical scenario. It should not be considered professional medical, legal, or employment advice. Mrs. Melissa is not responsible or liable for any decisions, actions, outcomes, or consequences that may result from using or relying on the information provided in this article. Anyone experiencing significant or ongoing anxiety should consider speaking with a qualified mental health professional. If you are in a current mental health crisis, please call 911 or seek your nearest emergency room.